We can all think back to our twenties...you know you had the most amazing time, out until dawn, singing “Oh What A Night” in unison with your best buddies in some local hangout. Until you wake up and realize you still have no job, your boyfriend broke up with you, you lost your favorite purse in the cab (with your credit cards), you broke your diet by eating an entire pizza by yourself...and you then threw it up, you broke the heel on your favorite Jimmy Choos, and your head aches so bad that you can’t move for fear of it actually exploding. And of course, as you lie in bed writhing in pain, that’s when it hits you - your parents are coming over for brunch in a half hour. Or something like that. Here’s my Top 10 bin Laden hangover realities.
And it’s working…folks have been jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo. (Always wanted to fit that in somewhere.) Between hearing about people trying to open cockpit doors mid-flight and out-of-control commuter trains crashing in Hoboken, one wonders if paranoia isn’t starting to settle in. It doesn’t help that after sifting through Usama’s private journals collected in the raid, U.S. officials now say “bin Laden remained the driving force behind every recent al-Qaida terror plot,” and let’s not forget the recent surge in porn industry profits.
Reality #2 – Our soldiers are still over in Iraq and Afghanistan living, breathing, fighting and dying. Four while I wrote this article. Bin Laden being killed doesn’t change their day to day existence, nor their family’s waiting back home. In fact if anything it has made it more dangerous. Bin Laden’s death most likely has galvanized those “take-it-or-leave-it” radicals to step up the attacks against our GI’s.
Which is really part of Reality #3 - They still hate us. Protests against the U.S. have been popping up across the globe since we whacked the primo extremist leader. This as the so called peaceful block of Muslims, especially in our own country, were such a small collective voice, no one quite remembers hearing them react at all. No loud chants of, “We can finally move on!” or “Good riddance!”
So it should come as no surprise to most that Pakistan was the epicenter of protests. Even more ironic was that many of the protests were to “demand the Pakistani government withdraw its support of the militant U.S.”
Wait a minute; the haze is starting to set in again. Let me work through this in my post hangover state:
...Bin Laden lived in Abottobad for years just 60 miles from their nation’s capital...
...The Pakistani government says they had no idea?! Ok- cut to image of “no guards” on the roof of his compound. Hard to believe the top wanted man in the world would only have one guard protecting him unless he felt safe from capture...
...Then, picture 1.3 billion dollars of our hard earned taxpayer dollars being sent each year since we arrived in Afghanistan to the duplicitously denying Pakistani government...
...Then cut to an image of Congress JUST THIS WEEK voting YES again to continue the Pakistani’s billion dollar slush fund for yet another year...
...Wait I’m starting to come around…Oh yes, and the Pakistani people want their government to stop supporting the U.S military? Hey Dumbasses! (Ok, now pretend you’re calling to them from far away) Your government doesn’t support us! It’s pretend! You know like the movies! You ever see Peter Pan? Oh forget it...
Reality #4 and #5 - Pakistan is about a ten on the ‘Bullshit Meter’ and we pay for them to be that way.
And now for our families and friends of 9/11 victims, we must know that the death of bin Laden has only brought to the forefront the pain that they have been living with for almost 10 years now – pain, unlike for most of us, never really goes away. And only now, after the haze of celebratory dancing in the streets, long winded champagne toasts and patriotic slaps on the back are over, do our countrymen begin to realize the stone cold sober reality that never left our 9/11 kindred: Reality #9 - The dead are still dead and they are not coming back.
So what about that dancing in the street you say? It was mostly college age kids, you know, the ones in the most impressionable age group on that September 11th - not quite teenagers, but done with little kid stuff.
If your over 21 and decide to postpone that hangover, please check out these bin Laden themed drinks gathered by riverfront times.com.